Negative friend

I was feeling really light and refreshed this morning. I had a really good sleep and was prepared to give my best at work today. I arrived office at 8.25am and the moment I logged into the computer, I got a message in my msn.

It was a message from a friend who had not contacted me for a very very long time. Although I often saw her online but I never really tried to initiate chat. She also rarely initiate chat since Jun last year. Why? I think it has something to do with me knowing some dark sides of her. What really happened?

I met her through internet in 2005 and we quickly become pretty good friends. The reason is because of we are of the same age and we live very near each other. She often told me of her unfortunate experience in work and I always thought she must be really unlucky to encounter such nasty people in work. I kept thinking she was a really hardworking and merticulous person. At least that was the impression she gave me. The only shortcomings I could see then was her inferior complex due to her education and image. I felt superior in front of her because she often expressed her envy of me having a good job, good boss and good pay.

She was often helpful to me but little by little, I found that her help was usually useless. She often based on a little bit of information and magnified it to make her sounds very knowledgeable in the area. She gave lots of advice but they are most of the time useless or not true. Then I thought “well, no one knows everything. maybe she was just trying to help and you cannot pick on good intentions”.

She also has the habit of following me all over the place online. If I am not wrong, she tried to google me using my nickname to find out where I surfed. Initially I thought it was just coincident but then she started to appear everywhere. I started to get the feeling that she was crossing “that line”. Initially I got a blog that I wrote about my life then she found out, started to read it as well as query me about it. I was not happy and therefore stopped my blogging.

Last year, she was having some difficulties in work and coincidently one of my friends’ company was looking for a temp staff. I introduced her to the job and she managed to get a pretty long temp job. Personally I think it was a good job. The company was established and big. In addition, she was trying to study for some professional certification which she could apply on the job. Even if she did not stay permanently in the company, her resume will look good with this company name on it. Things could not go any better!

she was working with my other friend in the same team and slowly, I got another side of her working attitude from my other friend. turns out, she was sloppy in her work and extremely sensitive of poeple’s remarks. She could not stand it when people discovered her mistakes and she had no patient for other people’s mistakes. In addition, she always like to give black face to people. When my other friend told me this, I was like “HUH?? Are you sure?” You could not imagine how guilty I am to introduce such a bad staff to my other friend. There were many other stories about her later on in the work place.

I guess she must have know that I know something so she decided to lay low and not contact me for a long time. In fact when she left my other friend’s company, she refused to tell me whether she found another job or where she was working. She hinted that she did not want me to leak the information to her former employer. I was like “wah..so top sercret?” What is there not to let people know? You must have something to hide and that’s why you are so secretive about it. Anyway, I was tired of helping a person who does not deserve to be helped so I never really follow up after that.

So..back to this morning that she suddenly msn-ed me. She asked me how I am doing etc and I told her about my change in job responsibilities etc. She told me she is still looking for jobs and she applied for an opening in my company. I was like Uh-Oh. Rather than to beat around the bush, I told her in a direct and frank manner. I said “to tell you the truth, I don’t think you can survive in our company because your personality is too straight forward and frank”. I think my comments are already very kind. I should have say “with your personality, who you work with, who unlucky. please don’t come here to work.”

She replied that she also don’t think she will be shortlisted for interview but she just sent and try. I guess she was hoping for encouragement but I did not give her any. She started to probe into my most vulnerable aspects of my life. I think she must have gotten a kick out of knowing someone whom she deemed as very successful in work also have disappointing areas like her. Anyway she started to “suan” some comments and I had to told her that I end the chat and start my work. Phew!

I think my eyes and ears must be malfunctioned two years ago!!!!

can’t sleep….

It is 4.15am now and I can’t sleep. I went to bed around 11.30pm. I tossed & turned. My sleep state was like half awake and half asleep….No good….Finally I fed up and decided to get up….. Why can’t I sleep? I had a really productive day at work today. Not stressful but interesting work type and in fact I am looking forward to go to office to continue with it. Therefore I am sure it is not stress that is keeping me awake. Maybe there are other reasons.

1. I think I am having an online infatuation over a guy. I don’t even know him well enough but I like him. I got to know him through another friend who happened to be a very old friend of this guy. I met him once but very brief, just “hi hello, my name xxx, nice to meet you” kind. Hardly remember his face features. Our mutual friend told me so much about him that I practically knew him myself. He is such a nice, responsible and filial friend. I think I already had a crush on him the moment my friend wanted to intro him to me but unfortunately, he is working overseas full time. In order not to make myself regret, I did the unspeakable thing. I asked for his msn account from our mutual friend and I CONTACTED him.

Sadly, I only did this a couple of months after we met (face to face) so he could not remember me at all. I must have startled him because he immediately called up our mutual friend after we had our first online chat. We did not manage to talk long since he was busy with work. It was difficult to start conversation with him because day time he is at work and night time he is busy playing online game with Singaporean friends. To make things worse, he can’t remember me so that place me in a “can do as well as can do without” type of online friendship.

He usually return back to Singapore once or twice a year but dun know is it I am unlucky or we are not meant to be, the first year I know about his existence, he was unable to return. So in the end, I am still unable to meet him face to face, chit chat and see if we can “click” or not. I really want to get to know him better through msn but I can’t make it so obvious. I must try to make it within reason which is really difficult. The only thing I can think of is to update him with our mutual friend’s recent events. Our mutual friend, due to certain reasons, is unable to go online to keep contact with him. This excuse to use my friend as a smoke screen is sooooo lame but its the best I can do. Our conversation is usually like a few lines and each time is like weeks apart.

What does a girl do when she has secret infatuation feelings towards a guy? All the really stupid and impractical stuffs, like checking on his horoscope and see whether his and mine match. To tell you the truth, they don’t really match but I don’t care! Am I crazy or what?
2. I happened to come across an old friend online in msn and we chatted a bit. We have not chatted for the longest time. If I am not wrong, nearly a year. I am feeling a bit guilty over this “long time not chat” issue because I was avoiding him then. I am the type of person who will start to feel threaten when a friend gets to know me too well. If you are one of my old school friends or one of my closest girl friends buddies, that’s fine. But if you are a guy and just so happen to be someone that I would rather be ordinary friends with, you just can’t cross the line! I think this friend crosses the line for about 0.1mm and I can’t stand it already!!! He kept trying to get to know what happened to my life etc that time. I had a feeling he seems to like me a bit also. Too bad, there is no mutual feeling. He is younger than me too much. Sorry…..I don’t want to take care of a younger bf. He is a good friend and I don’t want to offend him. Beside, I may need his help in future so best that I create a MIA phase to dilute the “awkward” chemistry between us. We chatted a bit just a few hours ago. He told me his usual happenings etc. As expected, blame me for not appearing in their gatherings. Luckily, I can use my new job as an excuse.

3. Told my father about the company vacation venue for staff and their family. I had reserved it for May 2008. If father is not interested, I will arrange to go with my friends. At least one of my friends is already praying hard hard to go already. Father said now too early to decide so I will ask him again in 2008.

4. I went to touch up my eyebrow embroidery earlier. I thought its going to take at least an hour and surprisingly, it only took 30 min. I like it and am very happy with the therapist’s skill. I asked for her mobile phone number so that I can seek her services again if she decides to leave this salon in future. I think ever since she helped me to reshape nicer eyebrows for me 1+ month ago, I feel and look really different. The shape is much broader and thicker than my natural eyebrow shape but I think it really brings out my features very well. I would never dare to draw such shape with an eyebrow pencil myself.

5. I stupidly drank a can of diet coke at 9pm. I have not drunk any coffee or coke for the longest time and now the caffeine in the coke is making my sleep quality really bad. It’s already 4.47am and my parents are already out of the house to start their hawker business. I still can’t sense any tiredness in my eyes.

Its now 4.56am, maybe I should just go for a jog later at 5am……..then I can skip the Pilates class tonight….. But then, if I skip the Pilates class, what will I do tonight?…..another lonely night for a single working lady….

 

Being Idle is not something I am used to….

I have a seriously boring and idle day today.  Ever since I finished my very first project last Thursday, I had already predicted that this week will be extremely free for me.  I can’t believe I am saying this but I CAN’T STAND IT.  I actually wrote an email to my overseas colleagues and begged them to let me help out in their projects.  Am I insane or what? I can’t help it.  I too used to being busy at work.  

In the past, before my recent move in career, my jobs were never-ending.  Even if my own tasks were finished, I still need to help out with other people’s tasks.  My ex boss will never let me have any idle time.  Our productivity must be at least 80% & above, or else we are inefficient and be prepared to kenna lecture.  She would checked on your work status and made sure we were constantly occupied.  No shake leg time.  Sounds horrible right?  I must admit that she is a tough and demanding lady to work with but if it was not for her, I would not have learnt the habit of constantly looking for more efficient way to do my tasks.  Not because I want to boost my productivity or show off my capabilities but because I need to breathe normally and I also need a bit of *shake leg* break.  Nowadays, I look at my ex-colleagues with pity, offering them my patient ears and giving them my spiritual support.  Hahaha….sounds very bad hor!  They really have to learn to stand up against the boss but I guess they are not used to it since I am usually the one who do that.  My ex-boss and I are two headstrong women. You will not believe the fireworks we used to have in the past.  You must be wondering why I dare to do that.  If its normal people, the person will probably be asked to leave the company the next day but for me, it’s different.  That’s because the big guy recognized the work I put in and knew me well enough that I am not a trouble maker.  The big guy is my backing! J  

Today my ex-colleagues told me about the office system that my ex-boss plans to implement in the near future and how unhappy they are about it.  My advice to them:  if you are not happy and feel that the system is exploiting you, tell her.  If she ignore, go to big guy and complain.  I do not believe that our big guy (who is a really nice ang moh) is happy to see his staff working with sulky faces in his office.  Even if the big guy sides her, at least you make your point and not being stupid to suffer in silence.  The girls simply kept quiet and looked at me with “unspeakable” difficulties in their eyes while I told them this.   

So…back to my idle time….What am I going to do this week?  I still have one week to endure before I goes to Kuala Lumpur for work.  Today I plan to leave office on time and go to gym.  I also have to start cleaning up my wardrobe and pack my luggage.  Luckily Kuala Lumpur has similar weather as Singapore so I don’t really need to worry about clothes.  This time I am going to Kuala Lumpur to meet up with my current boss who is also travelling there from her home country.  She is planning to go to the beach or elsewhere during weekends so I need to make sure I bring enough casual clothes.  I heard there is a local brand called Ms Read in Malaysia which sells pretty nice office wear.  I am interested to check that out since I need to stock up a few good looking office wears for my conference in Europe this November.  Oh dear, my shopping mood is being triggered!!!

Eccentric Woman

Finally decided to set up another blog where I can freely write down my feelings. How would I intro myself? I am a single working woman who has weird personalities and eccentric insights in this modern world that I live in. I am obessed with the quest of trying to understand myself and the world. I am borned, raised, studied and work in Singapore. The scene in my life is always in Singapore, until recently.

Through stroke of luck and a daring decision, I made a move in my career. Now my job requires me to travel round the world. Am I excited? You bet I am. I am tired of being cooped up in Singapore and talking to typical Singaporeans with the topics that only Singaporeans will care so much over. I want to know more people, see the world, understand what foreigners are thinking. Travelling alone is quite a challenge for me. I had never travelled alone in the past. It had always been with group of friends and with family. My mum was frantic when she knew I had to travel alone in my job (I never told her I need to travel alone in my new job) and as predicted, she nagged like nobody’s business. But after two long trips to really faraway countries, I guess she has finally realise that I am capable to taking care of myself.

It was kind of scarily during my first trip but after that, I kind of become old bird now. My friends now called me a woman with high flier job and I am not ashame to say that I am happy over it. Now my world is bigger and I can’t wait to experience it.