It is 4.15am now and I can’t sleep. I went to bed around 11.30pm. I tossed & turned. My sleep state was like half awake and half asleep….No good….Finally I fed up and decided to get up….. Why can’t I sleep? I had a really productive day at work today. Not stressful but interesting work type and in fact I am looking forward to go to office to continue with it. Therefore I am sure it is not stress that is keeping me awake. Maybe there are other reasons.
1. I think I am having an online infatuation over a guy. I don’t even know him well enough but I like him. I got to know him through another friend who happened to be a very old friend of this guy. I met him once but very brief, just “hi hello, my name xxx, nice to meet you” kind. Hardly remember his face features. Our mutual friend told me so much about him that I practically knew him myself. He is such a nice, responsible and filial friend. I think I already had a crush on him the moment my friend wanted to intro him to me but unfortunately, he is working overseas full time. In order not to make myself regret, I did the unspeakable thing. I asked for his msn account from our mutual friend and I CONTACTED him.
Sadly, I only did this a couple of months after we met (face to face) so he could not remember me at all. I must have startled him because he immediately called up our mutual friend after we had our first online chat. We did not manage to talk long since he was busy with work. It was difficult to start conversation with him because day time he is at work and night time he is busy playing online game with Singaporean friends. To make things worse, he can’t remember me so that place me in a “can do as well as can do without” type of online friendship.
He usually return back to Singapore once or twice a year but dun know is it I am unlucky or we are not meant to be, the first year I know about his existence, he was unable to return. So in the end, I am still unable to meet him face to face, chit chat and see if we can “click” or not. I really want to get to know him better through msn but I can’t make it so obvious. I must try to make it within reason which is really difficult. The only thing I can think of is to update him with our mutual friend’s recent events. Our mutual friend, due to certain reasons, is unable to go online to keep contact with him. This excuse to use my friend as a smoke screen is sooooo lame but its the best I can do. Our conversation is usually like a few lines and each time is like weeks apart.
What does a girl do when she has secret infatuation feelings towards a guy? All the really stupid and impractical stuffs, like checking on his horoscope and see whether his and mine match. To tell you the truth, they don’t really match but I don’t care! Am I crazy or what?
2. I happened to come across an old friend online in msn and we chatted a bit. We have not chatted for the longest time. If I am not wrong, nearly a year. I am feeling a bit guilty over this “long time not chat” issue because I was avoiding him then. I am the type of person who will start to feel threaten when a friend gets to know me too well. If you are one of my old school friends or one of my closest girl friends buddies, that’s fine. But if you are a guy and just so happen to be someone that I would rather be ordinary friends with, you just can’t cross the line! I think this friend crosses the line for about 0.1mm and I can’t stand it already!!! He kept trying to get to know what happened to my life etc that time. I had a feeling he seems to like me a bit also. Too bad, there is no mutual feeling. He is younger than me too much. Sorry…..I don’t want to take care of a younger bf. He is a good friend and I don’t want to offend him. Beside, I may need his help in future so best that I create a MIA phase to dilute the “awkward” chemistry between us. We chatted a bit just a few hours ago. He told me his usual happenings etc. As expected, blame me for not appearing in their gatherings. Luckily, I can use my new job as an excuse.
3. Told my father about the company vacation venue for staff and their family. I had reserved it for May 2008. If father is not interested, I will arrange to go with my friends. At least one of my friends is already praying hard hard to go already. Father said now too early to decide so I will ask him again in 2008.
4. I went to touch up my eyebrow embroidery earlier. I thought its going to take at least an hour and surprisingly, it only took 30 min. I like it and am very happy with the therapist’s skill. I asked for her mobile phone number so that I can seek her services again if she decides to leave this salon in future. I think ever since she helped me to reshape nicer eyebrows for me 1+ month ago, I feel and look really different. The shape is much broader and thicker than my natural eyebrow shape but I think it really brings out my features very well. I would never dare to draw such shape with an eyebrow pencil myself.
5. I stupidly drank a can of diet coke at 9pm. I have not drunk any coffee or coke for the longest time and now the caffeine in the coke is making my sleep quality really bad. It’s already 4.47am and my parents are already out of the house to start their hawker business. I still can’t sense any tiredness in my eyes.
Its now 4.56am, maybe I should just go for a jog later at 5am……..then I can skip the Pilates class tonight….. But then, if I skip the Pilates class, what will I do tonight?…..another lonely night for a single working lady….
